


all the stupid things i do, i do them for you

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst, Descent into Madness, Fan!Sukai, Idol!Shosei, M/M, Obsession, Sukai centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23863222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: Sukai never thought highly of idols, but in almost an instant Shosei becomes his drug - and his life changes tremendously.
Relationships: Kinjo Sukai/Ohira Shosei, Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	all the stupid things i do, i do them for you

**Author's Note:**

> For a certain oomf on twt that has been screaming about skysei way too much... ive been wanting to write this prompt since forever so i hope youll like it hehe

When Sukai stood in that huge crowd of screaming girls and boys for the first time, he was overwhelmed. By the light coming from that stage, the sound surrounding his ears, and just the whole sight itself. He was overwhelmed by the fact that the entirety of the dome was illuminated not by the stage lights, but by just the _presence_ of one person. Who's dancing and singing on that stage, smiling and waving at the audience.

At the beginning Sukai had been reluctant to go to the concert with his brother, but Ren had insisted, _Because he's my good friend, come on, it's worth it, he's an amazing performer!_ And before he knew it, he was standing within that crowd next to Ren, shaking a yellow pudding-shaped lightstick, gawking at the brightly shining stage at a guy he had never seen before.

Sukai had never really liked idols or anything like that, but maybe Ohira Shosei could change his mind.

* * *

It was unexpected, not just for Sukai himself but for everyone, that Shosei did change his mind. Sukai... to say it simply, he started to become obsessed with him.

Buying the singles and albums, getting merch, going to events and concerts - in secret, of course, since he didn't want to seem weird, but Sukai never missed an oppurtunity to show his support. 

The thing was, Shosei, he made Sukai feel alive. Usually he went about everything with the same poker face, _because it wasn't interesting or special_ , but Shosei gave him a reason to break the monotone expression. He gave him a reason to smile. It was almost like a drug - a happy pill that colored all the painfully gray days. 

Maybe that's why Sukai craved to have Shosei _with_ him so much... He wanted to have that sunshine next to him _always_ , so that he wouldn't be sad anymore and could just laugh.

He knew that it was far from realistic, but something in him just wanted it. It was evil and forbidden, wicked and toxic - he knew that. So he suppressed it. Telling himself every day _You'll never be close with him. Never._ And eventually, he managed to compress the desire into a small ball that he hid within the darkest depths of his soul.

It helped, until that day came.

_Sukai, you're searching for a company to do your business management internship at, right? Wanna go to the company I'm signed to?_

Ren's company was also Shosei's that's why they knew each other. But Sukai couldn't have used that to his advantage because Shosei, as a popular idol, was always busy. Now as an intern, he'd have many opportunities. Maybe he could even snatch the place of a manager for Shosei... _But no, Sukai_ , he told himself, _you didn't want to think like that anymore. Shosei maybe even has someone already, as popular as he is._ (Though a lot of people thought that it was rather the unpopular ones that dated, Ren told Sukai that actually popular idols tend to be braver in that aspect) So he smiled and accepted. _Thank you, Ren._ , he replied casually, just pretending like he didn't have a literal obsession with one of the company's artists.

* * *

The first day was the hardest. That was an universal rule. And it applied to this case as well.

Unfortunately, he didn't get to be a manager for Shosei. He was advised to accompany the manager of a singing duo, Riderz, instead. Sukai didn't know them, but he listened to some of their albums out of curiosity, and there were actually some songs he liked. Between the bunch of ballads one song in particular stood out for him, because of its lyrics. It was a song called 'Aventure ', and it talked about an unrealistic love between a nerd and a cartoon figure.

 _That's just like me, it's so sad_ , Sukai thought. Yes, it was pretty sad that he just couldn't get out of this crush, this _wicked, toxic_ crush, well, you couldn't call it a crush at this point anymore, it was an unhealthy obsession.

He was very well aware of that, there were countless stories of people who went crazy for their idols. Sukai didn't want to be like that. But he just couldn't help it. Whenever he saw a picture of Shosei, heard his voice or got a glimpse of his dancing he _really just couldn't help but feel utmost love for the young man._ It was crazy. He didn't want to be like this, so he supressed his feelings the best he could. Maybe he was lucky that he got assigned Riderz and not Shosei, because God knows what stupid things he would have done then.

But even so, not God himself even could have forseen the stupidity he'd commit few weeks later.

* * *

It had started seemingly well. Sukai was doing good in the company, working diligently and focused. Though he knew that he was just able to keep that up as long as he didn't meet Shosei. Such things did not occur on the first days, however, with the 5th day, everything changed.

It was late afternoon, Sukai's shift for today was over so he was about to leave. He turned around a corner, and he just happened to coincidentally meet Shosei.

Sukai immediately froze. He'd never imagined this to _really_ happen. Okay, same company but it was a big one and Shosei was always busy so what were his chances? Well, he didn't care right now. What mattered was the moment.

The older idol smiled at him sweetly, _almost too sweet so that it seemed sheepish_ , but gosh, he was so cute, Sukai felt his heart was going to jump out of his chest. He put his hand onto where it was on his chest to feel his violently faster growing heartbeat. It made him look down, embarrassed.

"I heard that you like me...? ", Shosei asked casually.

"Uhm.. yes I do, I like you... a lot actually. ", Sukai confessed.

"Thank you, that makes me happy. ", Shosei laughed. He was really out of this world. A real-life angel. Was he even real?

Sukai was snapped back into reality when Shosei patted his shoulder and walked past, mumbling a "we'll see each other more ofter now ". Which puzzled Sukai. More often? For the sake of his sanity, please not.

However, Shosei's words turned out to be true. The next day, Sukai's supervisor told him that Riderz and Shosei would be collaborating for a song. 

Maybe his fate loved him, or absolutely hated him, Sukai couldn't decide. Of course he was more than happy to be closer to Shosei, but he also felt like it was destroying him slowly. Because it was teasing him and the desire he tried to supress. It made his mind get dizzy when he sat close to Shosei, and while his thoughts were spinning around how much he loved Shosei, the voice of desire whispered to him, trying to seduce him into committing a stupidity. Yes, if it continues like this, he'll surely descend into madness.

But Sukai absolutely didn't want that. What if ends up hurting someone? What if he ends up hurting Shosei? That would be his worst nightmare. He couldn't let that happen. He'll try his best to not do. Sukai felt that Ren was worried about him as he was even more expressionless at work, _but that was just because there were so many feelings raging within him_ , so he told his brother that he was fine and went on. There was only one week left he'd have to work here, and that week he'll surely survive as well. Surely.

* * *

It had been a particularly long night. The management as well as the two Riderz members and Shosei have been discussing how to arrange the schedules of the two artists so that they could promote properly together. In the end they found a more or less good compromise, luckily, but it had taken them so long. It was almost 2 AM in ths morning. Sukai just wanted to go home now and fall into his bed. He was the last one already. But, when he was just about to leave, someone stopped him. Shosei.

The blonde man seemed to have waited for him, judging from the way he was casually leaned against the wall, arms crossed when Sukai left the meeting room. He was a bit surprised and made sure to lock the door first before he turned around and set on a small smile. Shosei smiled back - almost a bit mischievously, to Sukai's surprise - and positined himself in front of Sukai, close, _too close_ , and Sukai could already feel his head spinning again. Because Shosei wasn't smiling as cutely as usual, it was rather... alluring. _God dammit, stop thinking like this Sukai! Stop! Stop!! Stop!!!_

"Is there something on my face? ", Shosei suddenly laughed, and back was the cute Shosei, whose crescent eyes and bright gummy smile made Sukai laugh as well. It was a bit awkward, considering how close they stood, and Sukai could feel his cheeks redden and looked down to the side.

"Are you embarrassed? ", Shosei asked innocently. Sukai couldn't form proper words anymore, so he just nodded very lowkey.

_"Cute. "_

Huh?

"Uh, what? "

Shosei chuckled and patted the younger one on the shoulder. "You're cute. "

"T-thank you... ", Sukai said under his breath. This wasn't real, was it?

"You're cute and you always work so hard, for both Sho-san and Ruki as well as me. You deserve a reward. "

And before Sukai could think about what kind of reward Shosei meant, the older drew closer and pressed a kiss onto his cheek. It was small, short and fleeting - but enough for Sukai to be left senseless.

Shosei knew and saw what he did, and he just chuckled and turned away, waving and leaving Sukai with only a "See you soon ".

* * *

As beautiful as that moment had been, it made things only harder for Sukai. Seeing Shosei every day, talking to him, being with him was a struggle. Because there had been _indeed_ something physical between them - even if it had been just a kiss on the cheek - it was something. And Shosei had initiated it. By himself. Even the memory of that moment alone made Sukai feel all those weird sensations he usually supressed again. It made him crazy, _just knowing_ that it really happened.

He thinks about today once again, as he walks through the hallway on his way home. Since Shosei started, did he really want it? Was it a real feeling? Or just a tease? Did he just use Sukai because he knows how much the younger adores him? No, Shosei would never do that. Shosei is a good person. He'd never do that. He did it because he, undoubtedly, felt _sonething_ \- something special.

 _I am special._ , Sukai thought.

When that thought crossed his mind, _in that exact moment_ , he heard a very familiar giggle.

_"You're so cute "_

He thinks that he maybe shouldn't, but curiosity kills the cat and he takes a few quiet steps back to peek through the half open door he's just passed by - and there he was, Shosei.

He wasn't alone. There was someone else.

He leaned a little bit more in to see who it was - it was Ruki, one of the members of Riderz.

It was him was threading his fingers through Shosei's hair. It was him that Shosei leaned towards for a passionate kiss.

It was him, and not Sukai.

_I am not special._

* * *

If anything, if he could have done _anything_ to erase the memory from that evening, Sukai would gave probably even jumped off a cliff. He cursed himself and his curiosity, his fate that hated him, leading him on and then dropping him down to the abyss. But even more than that, Sukai was cursing Shosei. He _knew_ what he was doing that other night when he kissed the younger. He had just played with his heart as if it was a toy, and then threw it away. 

_Sukai, he used you. Shosei used you._

Always friendly-looking and gentle Shosei had done this to him. Curse him. Curse Shosei. Sukai didn't deserve this.

_This isn't fair that you did this to me._

**Curse you Ohira Shosei, for that you make me so crazy!**

. .. ...

Of the next days Sukai had no memory at all. It was just like a trance. What had once been his reason to live had broken and destroyed his heart. Now, he was just... an empty puppet. Picked up, brought to life, manipulated, used and finally thrown away by no one else than Ohira Shosei who had once been his light in life.

Yes. It was his fault. Shosei's fault!

He was making Sukai go through all of these things. He's just too sweet and he exactly knew that. He's at fault. He's the reason for all this misfortune.

_And for that, he deserves penalty._

... .. .

_What was I doing again? And why?_

Sukai's head was pain. Everything was spinning, he felt so dizzy, like he was going to throw up. He panted as he finally sunk against a wall where he was a bit away from the scene. Though soon enough they'd probably find him - the crime scene wasn't to far away and the company knew that he was the one who had driven the car today. He will get cought, and then he'll have to explain.

Sukai couldn't come up with a proper reason. He didn't even remember what he had thought in that moment, when he abruptly turned the steering wheel, causing the car to crash into a wall with its left side - the side where Shosei had sat. Sukai only remembers all the anger, that exploded because he had kept everything inside for so long, and there it had poured out, like a quiet bomb that had been ticking forever.

Now, as he hears the police siren as well as the one of the ambulance, everything is blurry but there's one thing he's sure about - that Shosei, that that wicked, evil, manipulative asshole was dead. He hadn't been breathing anymore when Sukai had fled the scene, well, it was hard to, with a huge shard of glass stuck in your chest.

Shosei had once been his life and now he had killed him. Sukai had ended up just like those crazy people he had despised. But he was happy. Because he was free from Shosei now. And Shosei was free up there from him as well, surely. 

.

 _Today at 14:36 PM a horrible car crash happened on Tokyo street. A Mercedes Benz had crashed into the pillar of a bridge. The pillar remained stable luckily - but unfortunately, one person, the famous idol Ohira Shosei, died immediately after the collusion and thus could not be saved. The driver, who had initially fled the scene but was later cought, turned out to be a crazy fan and admitted to having caused the crash intentionally._ _As to the reason why, he only stated:_

_"It was a stupidity, but I did it for him. "_

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or talk to me on twt @/shoseilovemail:3


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